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Facing refusal, particularly when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. Someone is declining your work, delivering a firm “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I started pitching manuscripts five decades ago, upon finishing university. Since then, I have had several works declined, along with article pitches and numerous short stories. During the recent score of years, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have grown more frequent. Regularly, I face a rejection frequently—adding up to over 100 times a year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. Since, at last, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

By What Means Have I Accomplished It?

A bit of background: By this stage, almost every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my acceptance statistics—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: recently, a publication nixed 20 submissions in a row before saying yes to one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses vetoed my memoir proposal before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor requested that I submit potential guest essays less frequently.

The Phases of Setback

Starting out, each denial stung. I felt attacked. I believed my writing being rejected, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would go through the phases of denial:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? Why would they be blind to my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the incorrect submission? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do editors know? Who made you to decide on my labours? They’re foolish and your publication stinks. I reject your rejection.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by false hope). How can I convince you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. Worse, I can never become successful.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Examples

Naturally, I was in good company. Accounts of authors whose manuscripts was originally declined are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. Many Presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and attempt to star were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Final Phase

As time passed, as I reached my senior age, I reached the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I more clearly see the multiple factors why someone says no. Firstly, an publisher may have just published a similar piece, or have one underway, or just be considering that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or maybe the evaluator thinks I am not qualified or stature to succeed. Or isn’t in the field for the work I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my work hastily to recognize its quality.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Certain explanations for denial are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Some aspects are within it. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe a part about my grammar, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have been published in magazines large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. An early piece ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to various outlets for 50 years.

Still, no blockbusters, no author events at major stores, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better take rejection at my age, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the stings of my frequent denials. I can choose to be philosophical about it all now.

Instructive Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will probably just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

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